I TAKE OCCASION TO say that if any of my friends should be urged to invest in a new typewriter through the influence of the recommendation or testimonial I was induced to give, it is to be hoped that, metaphorically speaking, like true puzzlists, they will read between the lines, as it were, and give the due consideration which it merits.

The agent called just to ask how the machine had behaved itself, and when I replied “out of sight,” he asked me to give a short testimonial to that effect, which I cheerfully did.

He was a clever fellow, and I liked him immensely, for he said that the testimonial was just like the American war of independence. Hal Ha! It, was such a capital conundrum that I offer to give that typewriter as a prize for the best answer, and in case of there being many, or in fact several hundred correct answers, will be only too glad to divide the machine up into very small pieces and give each one a fragment, lt is a somewhat odd conundrum, which you may not be able to guess, but, just send the best answer you can�”right or wrong. Conundrums are susceptible of so many different answers that we never know who may chance to send the most, clever reply. I remember many years ago at a conundrum party, that some one sprung the old chestnut: “Why are hens immortal?” the reply to which was “Because their sons never set.” A bright little miss to whom it was new gave the answer which has been popular ever since: “Because they have their next world in this.” (Their necks twirled) which goes to prove that even when you have the best answer there may be a better, like the query as to who was the biggest: Mr Bigger. Mrs. Bigger or the baby who you all remember was still a little bigger.

2.

Why is it absurd to call a dentist room the dental parlor? Because it is the drawing room.

Why should a man never tell his secrets in a corn-field? Because so many ears are there, and they would be shocked.

What part of a fish weighs most? The scales.

What fruit does a newly married couple resemble? A green pear (pair).

Why is it absurd to ask a pretty girl to be candid? Because she cannot be plain.

Why is a sheep like a professional gambler? Because he is brought up on the turf, gambols in his youth, herds with blacklegs, and is fleeced at last.

Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of woe.

What city is drawn more frequently than any other? Cork.

Why is bread like the sun? Because it rises from the yeast.

When is a chair like a lady’s dress? When its sat-in.

When is a soldier like a watch? When he is on guard.

When does a chair dislike you? When it can't bear you.

Why is a duel quickly managed? Because it takes only two seconds to arrange it.

What bums to keep a secret? Sealing-wax.