OF COURSE EVERYBODY is playing golf now, and even the lazy ones, I who, a few weeks ago, declared how much pleasanter it was to swing in a shady hammock and watch the others plodding around the golf links, have caught the golf fever and are chasing the ball around the golf links with their minds full of thoughts of how much pleasanter is it to chase the ball around the golf links than it is to be swinging in a shady hammock and to be thinking how much pleasanter, it is etc., etc.. D. C., ad lib. But be that as it may, what I mean to infer is, that they have all got it, and unless you are prepared to discuss all the wrinkles and systems of golf, or take in with well-assumed appearance of credulity tales of feats which would make Baron Munchausen blush to the core, you might as well ruminate at home in a shady hammock, etc., etc. I am not much of a golfer, but have been picking up points for a great combination system. One fellow offered to teach me the sharp points if I would “caddy” for him, which reminded me of the boy who worked his passage from the West on a canal by leading a horse. I have struck a genius who has evolved a winning system based on mathematics. He says: “Just cultivate two strokes of different lengths, one a drive, the other an approach, and play direct toward the hole, so that a combination of the two distances will get there.”
What should be the proper length of strokes to learn, to win out in the least possible number of strokes on a nine-hole course, of 150 yards, 300 yards, 250 yards, 325 yards, 275 yards, 350 yards, 225 yards, 400 yards and 425 yards?
In the description of golf problem, it was explained for the benefit of the few, if such there be, who know less than ourself about this exciting pastime, that there were nine holes located respectively 150, 300, 250, 325, 275, 350, 225, 400 and 425 yards apart, which were to be reached in succession by two strokes of different lengths played directly towards the holes. Some of our clever players prove that the feat can be performed in 26 shots by using a 150 yard drive and a 125 yard approach.
2.
When is a dog most like a human being? When he is between a man and a boy.
How does a boy look if you hurt him? It makes him yell Oh! (yellow).
Why didn't the last dove return to the ark? Because she had sufficient ground for remaining away.
Why is a specimen of extra fine handwriting like a dead pig? Because it is done with the pen.
What does a husband do who misses a train by which he promised his wife to return? Catches it when he gets home.
What, coat is finished without buttons and put on wet? A coat of paint.
What is the greatest surgical operation on record? Lansing, Michigan.
Why are fixed stars like pens, ink and paper? Because they are stationary (stationery).
Why should a person not like to gaze on the Niagara forever? Because he would have a cataract in the eye.
What bridge is warranted to support any strain? The bridge of a fiddle.
Why are laws like the ocean? The most trouble is caused by the breakers.
Why does an aeronaut dislike to speak about his trips? It is a soar point with him.
Why is a Chinaman never at a loss for a word? Because he always has his cue.
What is he most popular paper at the summer resorts? Fly-paper.
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